Hello peeps :)

There's too much to be said for a thoughtful year. There are many sweet and bitter memories which makes this year, another memorable year. I've been in the UK for a year and a month now, excluding the two months I spent back in Malaysia for my summer break. Well, wanna know the thick and thins I've been through?

Jan 2010- I set 13 resolutions for this year, but believe me, I only achieved 4!  Nevamind, I'll forwarded some of those not achieved yet, wholely and partially to this year, hopefully I'll achieve more in year 2011 :)

Feb 2010- One of my ex-debate teammate, Khairul Azizie Sidek passed away at the age of 22 (assuming 22 since he was born in the year 1988). His death grieved all of us though we are not his closest friend. Jiji, may your soul rest in peace. You will be dearly missed :( And yes, not to be forgotten, this month is Valentine month! :) Love is in the air, people!

March 2010- My birthday month!!! Hoyeahhhh!!! :) Happy 21st birthday Al :)

April 2010- April Fool!!! The first Good Friday and Easter Sunday (as well as Easter Monday) celebrated in the UK, in Plymouth particularly :) And apart from that, nothing much. Oh yea, lupak2. We had a picnic birthday bash for Beba in the middle of the field :) How was it? Great fun (frisbee, soccer and et cetera)!

May 2010- Malaysian Festival 2010 :) we had great fun despite being the 'udang bakar' of the day. Haha. Trust me, I don't need to apply blusher that night since my cheek went red due to sunburn. Apart from that, what else? O ya, we went to Clarks Village, The Lost Garden of Heligan and Woodlands Theme Park. It was awesome!!! :)

June 2010- Nothing. We spent most of the time at home since had no more classes. Dayyum bored!!

July 2010- Home sweet home! Check this entry and this entry. My frustration towards British airport and AirAsia! Well, at least I landed safely and had a great time there aite? Though there are few incidents which if I were to choose, I would rather not remember even the tiniest bits of it.

August 2010- Nothing much. Serious, it's empty.

September 2010- My summer break ends. Juniors come and flooded MARJON. Hahahha. Welcome peeps! (Again??) What else? It's beginning to get cold here. Brrr... And I moved into House 16 with Beba :)

October 2010- Again, nothing. Oh yea, a month of not-so-good mood. Trust me, I was in bad state that time. Elected as the Arts & Cultural Officer of Malaysian Association of UCP Marjon. Oh,yes.

November 2010- Nothing. O yea, endless meetings. Life? Zero, zilch. Forgot to mention summore, I got my job as a student ambassador and a sport centre cleaner here in Marjon! Fulussss, dtglaa kepadaku...hoyeahh :)

December 2010- Merry Christmas everyone! The first open house event we did. At least it eases our feelings of being faraway from home (and envied those back home!) :( And yes, we had a great trip this year :) Nottingham -> Manchester -> Newcastle (nearly stranded here) -> Edinburgh -> Glasgow -> London -> back safe and sound to Plymouth :) and one thing that touches me most is the demise of my beloved Grandma (29.12.2010, 1130 hrs). I was saddened by the fact that I was not able to be around her for the last time... until her lifeless body was sent to be put into the tomb this afternoon (Msian time). She's at peace and they saw her smiling face; her time has come. You will be dearly missed, grandma. I love you alws.

That's a wrap up for this year. Till then, Happy New Year 2011 peeps :) Hav a blast and may God bless you all :)

Hello peeps :) It was superb despite several obstacles which pollutes my eyes. 1) just let me and those who may concern knows. None of your business. Period. 2) can't think of any reason to why I come up with such statement. Lalala~

Well, I just came back from my vacation :) a 6 days trip to Nottingham-Manchester-Newcastle-Edinburgh-Glasgow-London-straightaway back to Plymouth. Tiring, but awesome. A total random awesome-ness. Hahah. So, pardon me for abandoning this blog for quite some time. And yes, I noticed that my language is sucker and sucker each day. Urgh. Is this the way an English teacher speaks? Reminder to self: no worries. I am talking about myself, not others. So let them say anything they want. Don't bother the mulut tempayans. Hahah. Crap.

We also had our very first Christmas open house, here in Plymouth. mark my word, our VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS OPEN HOUSE. Yea, coz last year I spent my Christmas in a hotel room with few babes *konon nak rasa Christmas kat London padahal hampeh. huh. meriah lagi xmas kat msia* Thanks for those who came that day, your presence makes us feel less homesick :) I do admit that I feel homesick that day :( I miss celebrating Christmas with my dearie cuzzies and sisters, fooling around and making merry... I will be back there soon. But not now :) For those who can't make it, no big deal peeps :) We'll do again some other time k?

Ahh, penat penat. Penat travel, penat layan orang. Now I need to fix my biological clock and have some rest. Till the next entry, chaloo people :) xx

*mind the title. PART I.ahah.this is serious mann.no joking.lalala~*

Ahaha! We haven't reached the end of the year of 2010 yet but I have come up with my very own wishlist! Bear in mind people, it's a long term wishlist (and if you wish to give me one as my coming birthday presents, sia lagi sukak ituuu! ahahah! ). They are...*drum rolls*... check it out :)

1. To own every House of Night novel series ( Marked, Betrayed, Chosen, Untamed, Hunted, Tempted, Burned, Awakened)
2. D.I.Y my own room like this one

saya sakit.

flu + batuk. sangat susah nak tido.

pedih naseng. mistikah aw bak subet getan iyen, sngajak bak madak melou pedih naseng gem aw?

akw malaih bak menyebut, sebab akw lok aw adep sader ineu wak senebut neu iyen. pulak aw subet da tao pulak. hadih. saber un laa.

beh itau, aw subetla keja adep2. malaih mua bak gem aw bak subet keja dagen lebok tw. rugi. miwek tenaga kw un mun ujung2 iyen aw siep2 bak mngata keja mua. diak dibuh jelakau.

*nah, ambik sbijik. hahaha. nak jgak aku tulis sal ko. wakakaka.

Eheh. Atas tu hanyalah gurauan semata-mata. I don't mean to be such an evil spoiled brat, okke. *angel halo suddenly appeared on my head and *pooff!* gone =='* Okay, this is about a friend, no, a buddy who wanted me to write something about him since he'll be leaving us soon for good. Yelaa, orang tuu da hampir sah da bergelar CIKGU daa...

Ahh, it's obvious that I get bored easily with my blog look. Therefore, TADAAAA!!! Again, for the I-don't-know-how-many-times-I've-changed-the-blog-look times, I have changed it again. Notice the repetition? So not me. Duhh.


By the way, I'll be having my ATL quiz tomorrow (Monday, 29th November 2010). Sounds cool, huh? Yeah, cool it is. It's way COOLer when I haven't revised any of the ELT methods. Damnit. No worries. I still have time until tonight. Not when I suddenly realised...oh-emm-gee, I have to complete my Frankenstein vewy sooon!!!! I'm so gonna be sayur by this Friday =='


That's how a student's life suppose to be. Full of academical commitment. Is it? Life of a second-year overseas teacher trainee, what do you expect? Please expect the least when your guesses are 1) ouh..haha..mestilaa dia lenggang kangkung sebab dia belajar overseas :P or 2) misti dia banyak berjalan kan? dapat p tinguk itu ManU main d old trafford sana.. for God's sake, am I that rich until I have loads and loads of monaaayyyy to go and walk around the whole world? Please, don't be surprise people. The money's provided suffice our daily needs a.k.a food, but NOT our desires. Now only you know the life of people studying overseas, eyh? Unless you have parents who can give you £1000 for two months, please don't ever dream of spending the money lavishly a.k.a skati mak bapak korg. And and and, for those people whose parents are super duper duit melimpah ruah, please don't take the government's scholarship. There are other people who need it more than you do. *mode: perosak bahasa :P*


Oww ya, before I forgot, this post is not meant to condemn anyone as this is just a 2 cents of mine. No hard feelings. Or, should I voice this out to the government so that they can consider of giving away scholarships in the future? Hahaha. Crazy me :P

Oleh sebab Cik Ika yang tag, maka saya terpaksa menjawab soklan nie. hahahaha.

Rules and Regulations:
Once you've been tagged, u r supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goal about u.
At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

Ini 25 fakta tentang saya :)

1. Nama saya Alviana Fedora :)
2. Umo saya (currently) 21 tahun :)
3. Currently in a relationship with Enchik Nick Kolson (sorry syg sngja slh eja :P), now almost reaching 3 years :) bahahaha!~ loving it :)
4. Hates...nope, dislikes people who hurt me and my friends. Mind you, I am revengeful. *roarrr* ahaha.
5. Currently taking up B.Ed (Hons) TESL, in the 2nd year in UCP Marjon, Plymouth, United Kingdom.
6. Eldest among four princesses. No boys in the siblings :)
7. It's 12:42pm when this entry is typed.
8. crazy over and over about dancing!
9. misses doing sports. Jom ber-basketball!
10. loves teddybears. Tanyelaa ngan ex-roommates and housemates brpe banyak teddies and berapa besar my teddies :) hahaha~
11. slalu kene suru makeup bile ade performance. of koz laa, i'm an expert kan? cheewaaaahhhhh!!!~
12. Da blurr da xtau da ape nak taip. pergh =='
13. Dalam sminggu sy cuma ada klas pd hari Isnin dan Khamis jekk. Hari2 lain saya duduk diam2 dalam bilik jekk. Baik kan saya? :P
14. Tengah dilanda rasa malas nak buat assignment.
15. I love my honeybee :) <3
16. Ada 9 lagi fakta yg sy kena taip pasal diri saya. Wahahaha~
17. Saya suka bilik saya, tapi sekarang nie saya malas nak kemas. Blame the assignments :)
18. I miss dancing. Seriously. People (to whom it may concern), bole x don't interfere in my businesss?????
19. Saya rasa cam nak marah jekk. I don't know why.
20. Youtube-ing is my new hobby.
21. Tinggal skit je lagi. Cepat Al cepat!
22. I enjoyed playing Freak Out yang cam bangang sebab saya rasa cam kene lambung2 dalam udara. Nevertheless I enjoyed it. You pay to scream. Sangat gilosss. Hahaha.
23. I still can't believe I am in the UK right now. Woot2!!!
24. By the time I finish typing this entry, it is already 12:55pm. Trust me.
25. Refer to no.24. Told ya :)

I tag anyone who reads this post! Lalalala~

Dear readers (ececehhhhh!!!),

Pardon for the foul languages in my previous post and another previous post, honestly I can't control my temper when I am in the *not-s0-good* season. There are so many things that can spark my flame of anger easily. Just say what you want. You name it. Almost everything is related to it, including the tiniest bit of issue such as food. Mind you, I can be extremely sensitive when the time's not right.

I'm giving up to so many things lately. I keep on hoping, and I keep on getting things that I least expected. In other words, I keep on getting things I never expected. When things get rough, I keep on asking myself, what is wrong with me? Why is it I am the one to be blamed? I admit that I am not perfect. I am not Gaia. I am not Demeter. I am not Aphrodite, and obviously I am not Athena. Duhh. I am just a normal girl with high ambitions that can never be achieved till today (because obviously I am a lazy-bone. Bahahaha.) But then, why am I never getting the things that I expected, even once? I am not Medusa who can petrify everyone whoever looks at her. Or... am I a cannibal? Duhh! Please!

I never admit this, but I miss him ;( I keep on listening to this song (refer to my previous post) and suddenly, I said to myself, how I wish him to be here, because I need hugs ;( and of course, kisses. I miss those times. I need his words to encourage me to be stronger in facing trials and challenges I least expect. All those things; backstabbing, bad mouthing and bloody bla..bla..bla.. shows no signs of ending. I need peace. I need something to soothe my unsettling mind. Somebody can help me untangling the mess in my head? Nah, don't trouble yourself. You can't even see the starting point, so what's the worth of doing it anyway?

It's no use writing longer posts when your heart is full of anger. I think I'm going to recite my Divine Mercy before I go to bed. Hmm. 0008 hours. Time to hibernate and rest my mind. See you in the morning peeps! :)

There are thousands of words which I can use to describe my present feelings, but I wish to use those three words (the title of the post) instead since that's the only phrase that pictures my present feelings. You know why?

1. You. Yes, you. You know that I am super duper hyper and furiously mad at you and yet you did not apologise to me. Ape, takut ke? As if I eat people; as if I am a cannibal. Oh yes, I am a cannibal. Duhh, what's done is done. I don't eff-ing care anymore. From that moment onwards, I did tell myself that I wish not to be involved in your matters anymore, and now I am going to repeat what has been said earlier. I AM NOT GOING TO BOTHER WHAT IS GOING ON; I just want to be at ease by myself. Yes, I may not be as outstanding as you, (mind you, I can be more outstanding than you), but don't think that I am a total idiot that does not know what's going on around me. Don't think that I don't even know the tricks you are trying to play behind me. I keep spare eyes, just so you know. So, hands off please. I don't want you to dirty my territory with your filthy hands. Hahhaa~

2. I guess that this one I better keep this to myself... since it's just a small matter. Learn to control your temper babe. You're 21 now. Hahah~

Why on earth there must be idiots and hypocrites straying and polluting the beauty of human goodness and empathy?? (what thehell am I crapping now??) Oh God... I need to sleep now. All that's good and well, till we meet again in the next crappy post. Hahhha~

People say it's easy to forgive and forget. Yes, I used to practice that once. But not anymore after the incident that changed my entire life. I never realised that I am a new me now. Or, more or less the 'before UK' me. A rebellious me. A hot-tempered me. And yes, a never-care-about-anyone-else me.


I learned to be considerate. I learned to be patient. I learned to meddle with my temper, and the list goes on. It's like I've changed into another me who is totally different. An ignorant me, a happy-go-lucky me, a bubbly me, and still remains the same, a never-care-about-anyone-else me. So fake, so pathetic yet so true. No, seriously guys, it's not fake; I've really changed. A revolution of ME.


After the 'humiliating' incident, my temper came back. It's sad, isn't it? I tried to forgive and forget since those who did it are those who I loved dearly, but I can't. It's a painful memory I can never erase. I can never forgive them; that's the hardest fact I have ever to accept when I still crave for hope that someday I will be able to forgive them again. I can never do that again. It's painful. Even when the time I type this post, my tears running down the cheeks. What shoud I do? Forgive and forget? I tried. Getting better and better as the days passed by. Apologies accepted. And today, I failed. I failed again. I failed twice. What should I do?

I cried. Yes, I cried just now. Honestly, I feel more relieved after crying just now. Feels like haven't been crying for ages. And yes, do cry your heart out if you feel like wanting to do one. It do eases your feelings. :)

Shun me. Shun me not. Do whatever as you please, but don't ever think that by shunning me makes me being envious of you just because you get more attention from people around you rather than me. I can live without other people's attention. In fact, I don't need one. In which, I don't need to act cute or whatsoever that is similar because I just HATE BEING ONE! Full stop. *inhale, exhale* Now, I feel much, much better.

p/s: this post is written about two months ago and I forgot to click 'Publish Post'. Funny. XD

As I have promised earlier, I will be changing my blog 'look' on my 100th entry. Yupp. Tadaa!! Believe me, it was hard for me to choose a new look. Everything happens for a reason, babe. Believe me, I'm not bluffing this time. Though I know I'm crapping all these while. Bahahaha. Happy 100th entry, miss Beluggie! Hope u're happy today :) well, of course, with the 'new appearance'. XD Well, moving on to the details. DETAILS, honeybees! :)

1. 'MIRAGE'

Well, as I've said earlier, everything happens for a reason. I chose the previous header with such wordings..yada yada.. that's for my past. And the past is the past. I will not tolerate with my past any longer. I've decided to move on and yupp, be a new me. And voila! The 'new' me has resurfaced! Crap. Mirage here represents the state of my mind each time I put a new entry in the blog. Science explains that mirage is a phenomenon in which light rays are bent to produce a displaced image of distant objects or the sky..yada yada.. enough with the scientific explanation. Anyways, mirage is also another word for 'fantasy'...erm...in which I believe that some of the crappings in this beluggie is real crap and some are based on factual reasoning. Again. another bulls**t of crap. Hahaha.

2. PURPLE :)

Gomennasai to Beba :) Bahahaha, not that I purposely choose purple to be the colour theme for this blog, but I can't find any nicer pinkies!!! For God's sake, I won't be choosing pale pink! Ask people in House 16 and they know why :P Again, the greys, whites and blacks represents issues in the past. Keep it simple. :) I like the flowers and the butteflies, though. It's a pity that it's late summer a.k.a early autumn and the leaves are falling. Still, I like the falling maple leaves. Nice scenery. Kudos to the leaves, though they're falling. And hey, let's say welcome in advance to the winter season! You better watch, you better not cry, you better not pout I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is coming to town :) lalala...singing Christmas songs!! :) Owh I love Christmas, and of course, back in Malaysia and obviously back home. I miss mummy's cakes :(

Let me show you the ones that I've decided for the beluggies:-

Holla everyone. It's been a while after the last post... and I don't even can recall when did I last wrote my entry and tadaa! I am writing the 99th entry of my beluggie! This time, I want to declare that I am totally crapping since I am thinking of new 'look' for my beluggie, and I might be changing everything again this time. Hehee. I am not bluffing. It's just that... I don't have any idea. Anyone can suggest me any themes?

Yes, as the title have said. or so it is. I'm back, and I'm back to UK peeps. Sorry for abandoning this blog for quite some time. U know how the internet connection works in Malaysia, so I have no needs in explaining it further. Bahahaha. Let me share wif ya some few things about my holiday:-

1. I did not go anywhere except balik kampung. Yes, I really did not go anywhere. Don't believe my bluffs; I did spend some time...a week or so in KL. Yupp, I was in KL for a week. And that's when I lost my phone. Bullshit that taxi man for not returning my LG phone! Never mind, I got a new one now. So, kira sedekah je laa. But don't ever hope that I halalkan that phone. Mintak2 tangan korang berkudis pas pkai phone tuu...AMINNN!

2. Friends, lovers and lover friends! Beba, Sern and Nick came to Bintulu! It was not meant to be that way, but I blamed series of FACTORS which causes the 'ketidakjadian' of so many things! One of the big troublesome factors is the WEATHER. Kasiannn.. we'll see how it goes next time :)

I can't think of anything at the moment. With all the things happening around me which makes my head dizzy and my heart aches, I better stop and keep it to myself. Anyway, i like that song 'Love The Way you Lie' by Rihanna and Eminem. Check this out :)

It's been a month since I came back home from UK. I enjoyed every single moment at home, in the bed especially. Makes me don't even want to think what I should do next after I woke up. Too lazy (the real excuse *evil grin*) and the room's being too comfy (the 'as always' lame excuse *the more evil grin*). Gomennasaiiii!!!! Seriously I can't believe that I abandoned my bloggie for i-don't-know-how-long-I-have-not-been-blogging weeks!!! And now I crave for sushi...ohh Sushi King!!!! (pls can someone get me a driver? I need to go to the Parkcity Mall now. I want Sushi King!) *don't bother the idiot crappings XD

I just don't even want to start the exciting part of the holidays here because if I ever have to start one, it will be endless since I don't want this excitement to end. You would never want to end one, trust me. It's just like the feelings of where you don't even want to lick your ice-cream until you finishes the cream and left the waffles aside. No harsh feelings, but if I ever to start one, I'll share with you guys. I truly will. Can't wait for the Raya week to come! It's not that we celebrate Raya, but everyone will be at home! It will be truly bliss for me! Geng, balik cepat! Jom lepak! Waterfront menanti! Hahahaha!!!!!

The worse part?? I don't even to start one. Let's just say that maybe I need to change my perception about the definition of 'being kind and warm-hearted to others'. Yeah, I need to change that, and I certainly will change that. It's just the matter of time. I've being exposed to too much examples of being too kind and yet I never realised that it worth the price and value of everything that surrounds me. And I need to change that. I REALLY, REALLY need to change that. The new academic year will be another starting point of the new me. And I do hope that the me in the past will not be the same like me in the future.

Tooo much crappings. It's 5.10am in Malaysia. I need to get back into the bed. Sleep well folks. I'll see you all when I see you. Cheers :)

I guess that you all can answer by yourself by now. seriously guys, because of the price I don't really expect the service to be up to my expected standard (I don't simply mean to compare the service between this airline and well, MAS of course, but I can't help it!) but puhh-lizz laa...don't simply be mean to people! C'monlaa, what can you expect people to carry a bag that weigh 7 kilos only? And, and, and.. if you put other things in your laptop bag, then your bag is not considered as a laptop bag anymore? Be rational, people! Dahla baggage masuk kargo 15 kg je limit. Berbayar pulak tuu. What do you expect from your passangers, AirAsia people? Nama je low cost airline, tapi bayar cm mengalahkan MAS! Mangkuk hayun laa... *sigh*

I underwent all these troubles since I was in Stansted already. I thought that this happened in international flights only. Who knows that AirAsia had already changed their policy - and I am not aware of it?? Why did not I know about all these? *grunts* Hilang respek aku. Urgh...