aurelia alviana Fedora
Hello peeps.

It's been a while since the last time I appeared on the bloggerspace. Bianata :p I was super occupied with so many obstacles and yeah, I am mentally clouded with earthly affairs I hardly had any time spent for myself.

Have you ever think of giving yourself another chance? No? Well, I've nearly given up on some courses that I may think I'm 100% capable of encountering success. Too much of confidence really drowns you, no? That's what I felt, once. Being in a relationship, particularly. And many more.

I've encountered problems that really tests my ability to think rationally as a human. Flipping through the book of Job in the Bible makes me feel like I'm in his position - was put to test by God. I've nearly given up, and almost think that God is not there to help me. At all cost. I keep praying, though, hoping that God will ease my burden and eventually lifts them all for me. I was wrong, and things get worse as the days passed by. It was a total chaos. I was wrecked physically and mentally, and everything I had was being put at stake.

I could not sleep. I had nightmares. I woke up feeling lethargic due to improper sleep. How I wish I can put my condition into words. I almost believed that I really need psychiatric help. I was almost certain that I need to inform my dad...that I needed help and thus, be put in the mental hospital. I was devastated. I nearly lose hope on God. I keep on asking myself, and of course, God...why am I being put to test on such condition? I lost the person that loves me whole-heartedly, because of my own mistake. And now, I almost lost everything that I have. Why is this happening to me? And several nights later, I went to bed with tears rolling down my cheeks, without fail.

I went back for the Christmas break, and daddy asked me to accompany him to the Word of God seminar. I was reluctant. I was positive that I'll never gain anything from this. Somehow, I started to feel that everything's starting to change. Starting from *cough2* he who started dropping messages in the inbox of my Facebook to exchanging numbers, to going out as friends and now, know where this goes *cough2* and my problems slowly being alleviated...I really thank God for the blessings I am starting to receive. God never abandons His people, I believe that. Praise the Lord. :)

I thanked God for giving me my munchkin :) so that I am able to feel again how beautiful the feeling is when you are loved, and for giving me another chance to put things into place when they don't seem right to you. I've learned many new things despite of the ugly consequences I have faced. I don't think I'll ever value my life like this, had I never encounter such situations. Elohim, Yahweh.

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...
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