Hello again, readers.

Have you ever face  moment...where you thought you have lost something precious, but eventually it's there all the time?
Haha. Funny, isn't it? Here's the story goes...

Once upon a time...
Where all the fairies and the birds and the leprechauns...oh,wait. Scratch that.
Where all the fairies and the birds and the leprechauns

 It wasn't like any other day. It wasn't a beautiful day either. In fact, the rain was pouring down as if the angels were having party breakfast that morning. Imaginations, really. Le madame, or should I say..ahemm..me, was peacefully checking my emails *I have not been doing this for ages! Gosh!* and the husband was taking his Saturday morning nap. There comes the lightbulb on my pretty little head, shining as bring as the morning sun. Again, imaginations. How long has it been since I last blogging? Oh well.

And so, I decided to go blogging again. I hit the keyboard, keying in 'blogspot.com' in the search engine. Thank God after few centuries of not blogging, the account was still alive and well there. I started to look for my page...but it was not there. Wait a minute, what happened to my blog?? WHERE IS MY BLOG???

I frantically looked up in Google to check on any updates I have missed all these while. I thought hard, why is my blog missing? I can't find the right answer. My mind went blank. The blog is missing. No, it can't be. The blog sums up half of my study life; I can't just lose it in few years! Mind you, it's not even from the day I was born, okay. I keyed in everything I could think of. Missing blog, My blog disappeared into thin air, Deleted blogs...everything. No clue. No traces. The returned answers were a total disappointment.

Suddenly, I realised something. Wait a minute...which email did I use to log into my Blogger account?? I scrolled up to the top right page, and to my horror, I logged in using my work email! For Christ's sake, I have been logging into the blogger account using the wrong email all the time! No wonder I can't even find my blog! I quickly logged out my work email, logged in using the old email...and voila! The magic works! My blog is there, untouched!! my Mirage is back!

Lesson learnt: check properly before you make assumptions. Hahaha.

And my husband and I lived happily ever after. The end. For today. Haha.
Thank you for your time to read! Have a nice day!

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Now, where should I start?


It has been freaking 8months since the last I updated my blog. I am a full-time teacher now...a permanent one. Weehoo!


To face the phase-changing season is never easy for me. Parents moving elsewhere due to working commitment, and there's me taking up le responsibilities taking care of my sister...how can life be easier for me?


I started to accept the fact that life now is not about playgrounds and ice-creams anymore. Perhaps in few years time, the status's gonna change...and I will be somebody else. Can't spend long nights outside anymore. Can't just simply bash people just because I want to. JUST BECAUSE. And need to learn to accept the fact that I'm entering somebody's family line soon...and I'm going to be somebody's wife.


WIFE. I've always thought that I'm not going to tie the knot that quick. Come to think of it, I'm getting engaged next year. Looking at that thought makes me think twice, no, thrice...am I capable of being a good lifetime partner to Dex?


Ah well, as what people say, que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be.


...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla, peeps.

it's been like AAAGEEESSSSSS...that i have not post anything on the bloggie. Yeah, you read me right. And...I am back!! I can't say for how long I'll be here, but I'll try to keep you guys entertained with my crappy stories anyway. Lolzee. Moving on!!!

Too many stuffs happening in my life lately. Yeah, to sum it up, let me summarize everything in bits of points so that you can see how this life is coloured with crappy and boring stuffs. Watdeheck? REALLYYYY???

May

Well, I've officially finished my 6-crappy-years of study in BEd (Hons) TESL. Yeah, I missed my 6-awesome-years-siblings. We've been through thick and thin together like there's no yesterday and there's even no tomorrow. Lols. I was like...I can't believe that the 6 years have come to the end of it! Anyways, we keep on telling each and everyone of us that this is not the end of it. This is just another new beginning to our new lives. Awwww...so suwiiitttt!!! *vomiting tonnes of blood* Right, students life over, now moving on to ZE MOST HONOURABLE GRAPE PLANTER lifestyle!

July

I simply skipped to July since I led a boring life in June as a grape planter at home..and of course, ze most honourable driver for le sister. Hell yeah. And because I led a life like a potato on a couch, my life decided to revolt against me and yeah, I got me own job as a tuition tutor and yeah,  A TEACHER. First week, it was okay-ish. And life decided it wasn't fun enough to play me just like that. And there comes all the PBS workloads. Ohh yeah, bring it on. This is Alviana u're talking about. HAHAHAHA!! *pengsan 2saat*

November

Skipping again! So yeah, too much rebellion against me, so I've decided to skip all the best parts in all of the months. Bwahahaha!! So yeah, I got super tensed until I just decided to let go of everything. I mean, PBS. The last day of me managing th PBS thingy, I just hentam keromo. Trust me, it's not easy to handle all the filing system. I don't know what the heck the government thinks when they decided to change the education system!!! Anyways, hentam jak...and I boarded the flight to KL that very night for my convocation! Yeap, the graduation was in this month and that was the proudest moment in my life. I thanked God, I thanked mummy and daddy, I thanked my crazy-minded sisters, I thanked everyone who came into my life along the way, I thanked Mr.Bubu for being there and for being so patient with me when I ranted at him for all the difficulties I faced along the way. And yes, I heart you so much to the moon and back till my heart breaks. :') And yes, happy anniversary, namja chingu :) a year of pain and bliss, a year full of tears and laughters. And as days passed by, I began to love you more and more. Hearts and kisses lots and lots!!

December

Wait, what am I doing? Oh, for a second I thought I was recapping the year. No, no. Let me start with le sister's birthday which fell on the YCS Leadership Camp 2013. And I was like...aigoo, saya bknnya budak kecik, why the heck I was involved in this matter??? And there goes the interview. 8th of December 2013 at SMK Tatau! And as expected, it was just for formality. Lolzee! I got the title Pegawai Perkhidmatan Pendidikan Siswazah DG41!  Wait, mana posting? Now everyone started to ask me this bonus question. Terbaiklah.  Anyways, since it's December, and we have roughly a week to go before Christmas comes...*yayy!!*...I thought it might be a good thing to wish everyone A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014! Now, let's sort out my medical check up, shall we?

Notakaki: belum buat Christmas shopping lagi. Mr.Bubu's parents will be back from Russia this weekend. Cousin's wedding reception this Saturday. Xtau nak pakai baju apa. Aaaaa!!! *pengsan 2saat*

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hi peeps.

It's been a while since the last time I dropped a post here. Hell, was it...6 months ago? No wonder it's full of dusts and cobwebs!

Anyways, I had an eventful 6 months...and to be honest, I quite enjoyed being in my current state; a grape planter. Not literally, of course.  I have finished my 6-goddamn-years of bachelor in education pursuing *yayy!* and now I am doing a part-time job as a substitute teacher. At...somewhere on Earth. Obviously. Where do u think I hailed from...Mars??

Being a jobless is not easy. You want to be a potato on the couch and at the same time, letting moolahs rolling to you? Dream it on. Lol. Some people think that money can be gained easily when you at last obtained a degree scroll. That's what you're expecting. And here I am, a degree scroll holder and still earning 2-digits per week, and if I'm lucky, 3-digits per month...which I still haven't got my pay until today *graaa!*...and yeah, that's the pain in the a** I have to face. Let's not talk about postings, for now. Let's just...close that chapter. Shall we?

I've always liked to open this same old topic again and again. It makes you feel full of chocolates and flowers, hearts and kisses. Typical girls will go for guys who can woo girls and sweep their feet off of the ground. *hey, kaki kalau xcecah lantai, itu hantu namanya okkayy...* My monstrous dinosaur never does that. All he does is being busy with his office duties on weekdays day and night *lucky I have a job now or else I'll strangle him to death!* and mock me for my physical appearance e.g. having double chin, plus size* whattt???* etc. Behind all that, he's such a sweet and caring boyfie. And of course, he gets the credit when his pals told him, 'Boleh tahan oo 'kawan' kamu tuu Dex, cantik dan cute...hehe...shhh! Jangan bising...hehee...' Of course, tengoklaa siapa si girlfriend kan? It's been 9 months since we dated. And I love him more and more :) Speaking about that, I get all the tingles when his mum asked when will I be meeting her...officially? Takutnya!

I guess this is it. Till next time, adios amigos!

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Pipupipupipuuuu....

I get overly sensitive when I don't get what I'm supposed to get. I mean equality. Well, I come from a family that...well, I don't know...but I just feel that equality should be more practiced. U get what I mean?

I have four siblings including me myself, and we are all princesses. No brothers. Being the eldest daughter is a tough thing for me. I'm the first to get everything, but some things are not meant to be yours. I am the guinea pig, and being a guinea pig is not entirely awesome, but, yeah, I have to admit, not entirely a sorrowful experience either. It's my bittersweet thing. I don't get what I want, but I get something in replacement later on. Although it's not on par as my choice (mind you, I'm a bit...ermmm...on the top-notch, maybe?), I learned to appreciate what has been given to me, which is a good thing, really. God, what am I ranting about here, really???

Having sisters can sometimes be a pain in the arse, really. Especially when you have sisters who are capable of outwitting you in anything. Jealousy is normal. Everyone experiences that. But, having parents who pays more attention to the 'more capable' ones makes you feel a bit...no, super duper inferior! To make it worse, when everyone is far away from home, when you get to give your parents a call, don't tell me you don't feel the heartbreaking moment when they complained to you that their 'favourite son slash daughter' didn't give them a call. What the fuck. Pardon my language, I just don't know who to throw my anger at, whether it's my sister or my parents. Quickly wiping the tears away. Damn...told you earlier right, I get overly sensitive with these kind of things.

Sometimes I just wished if I ever have a brother. Maybe things won't be this way. Or maybe not. Who knows. But I'm still lucky to have my moo, my angel, my little red devil, my cupcake, my teddy bear, my oppa, my all, my everything. He's just the best thing I ever have. Thank you for lifting me up during the times when I feel so down, and thank you for all the cherishing moments. And most of all, thank you for loving me and accepting me for who I am. Thank you so much, syg.

 ...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hello peeps!

It's the second day of Christmas :) *and I still can hear a very soft humming of 12 Days of Christmas lol* and yeah, it's not too late to wish you peeps A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Big shoutout to you dudes and dudettes who are celebrating Christmas out there! *clap3!!*

Yeah, before I get busy, let me just do my usual end-of-the-year..yada..yada..2012 recap! Let's see how interesting this year have been to us, shall we?

January
-Neysa's birthday!

February
-Rexie's birthday :)

March
-It's le moi's birthday! *woop!!woop!!* It was a great occasion, really. I had two celebrations this year. Yeah, you read it right. TWO celebrations! No drunk nights, that was okay-ish. But yeah. it was good :)

April
-Daddy's birthday! Happy birthday, daddy! We love you! xxx
-I guess we're just not meant to be. And I'm still keeping my fingers crossed, hoping that I'm not making another regrettable mistake. *sigh* Well, it's the norm of life, and I have to move on. Am I right?

May
-Shipping stuffs back to Malaysia. Seriously, I hate packings. (-.-)"

June
-Trip with le parents. London-Budapest-Rome. Will do another one like that in the future. Hell yeah. \m/
-...and I'm back. Hello again, Malaysia :)

July
-Back in the college. Or the doomsday era. Yeah, tell me more about it.

August
-Mummy's birthday! Happy birthday, mummy! We love you!

September
-Hmm. Can't remember anything related to September. I guess. Or, should I say, I'd rather not remembering any of the rubbish parts?? Can we skip?

October
-Sister's birthday! Happy birthday, Ayang! 3 more years and you're free!
-I got my driving licence! Yayy!

November
-The point where a schoolmate turns out to be your reason to smile every morning, the heartpains and the bliss, and who knows, the one who will spend his entire lifetime to be by your side 'till death do us apart'. :)

December
-Youngest sister's birthday! and uncle's! ohhmaii how can I fogot these details??!!
-The family reunion. Met my brother cousins whom I haven't met for nearly ten *freaking!!* years, and to my ohhsemm! surprise, I have THREE NEW NEPHEWS!! What can shock you more when suddenly baby boys come running to your dad, calling him 'babeh' (read: grandpa) and you...AUNTIE??? That was cute. haha! I miss the babies Aidan, Ivan and Nelson :)

Yeah, not much of interesting events this year. Hopefully next year will be more interesting. Ahh yes, practicum. Tell me about it. Duhh. Till the next post, happy festive seasons, peeps :)

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hello, peeps.

Can't believe I'm back in the mode of writing such soapy posts again. Lol. 2 more days and it'll be our first monthsary. But with namja chingu busy working and whatnot, I'm not really looking forward to anything related to it.

But hey, it's a week to go before the Christmas celebration! Can't believe I'm celebrating Christmas at home this year *yayyy!!* but yeah, let's just scratch that idea. I'll be back in the college soon, and God knows what kind of obstacles I'll be facing soon enough.

I give up. This time, I mean it. I'll just follow the flow. Maybe it'll be much easier that way, no?

To everyone out there, wishing u a splendid Christmas and a blessed and prosperous New Year 2013!



p/s: I'll do the 2012 recapping before going back to KK. soon!

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Sabtu lepas sorang kawan dah kahwen.

Sabtu ni sorg kawan lagi nak kahwen.

I'm 23. Masih muda lagi :) *padahal dalam kepala 'bila lagi nak end zaman bujang ni???'*...facepalm!!!

Lol. I still have another few more months before I end my bachelor of education degree programme. Commitment life, I have no opposition to the idea ... but the thing is, I've made a BIG promise to le parents that I'll work first...at least for two or three years, the most. See? I have plans!

When the moment comes, I want to be ready in every aspect possible. Financial wise. Commitment wise. And everything. I'm not expecting much, but like other ladies out there, I have a wedding dream of my own, too. I think I've spilled some of the secrets to le dad last two weeks. Damn! Whatever it is, I still need to consult namja chingu for this, and obviously, we need to reach mutual agreements before making any decisions. Long time to go. Patience, dear heart :)

Right now, namja chingu is busy working. Poor mr engineer. I was hoping to see u soon enough. Missing my namja chingu very much!

Seems like our parents started to suspect our 'friendship'. Ohh dear. Are we in deep trouble, namja chingu? faints!

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hello peeps.

It's been a while since the last time I appeared on the bloggerspace. Bianata :p I was super occupied with so many obstacles and yeah, I am mentally clouded with earthly affairs I hardly had any time spent for myself.

Have you ever think of giving yourself another chance? No? Well, I've nearly given up on some courses that I may think I'm 100% capable of encountering success. Too much of confidence really drowns you, no? That's what I felt, once. Being in a relationship, particularly. And many more.

I've encountered problems that really tests my ability to think rationally as a human. Flipping through the book of Job in the Bible makes me feel like I'm in his position - was put to test by God. I've nearly given up, and almost think that God is not there to help me. At all cost. I keep praying, though, hoping that God will ease my burden and eventually lifts them all for me. I was wrong, and things get worse as the days passed by. It was a total chaos. I was wrecked physically and mentally, and everything I had was being put at stake.

I could not sleep. I had nightmares. I woke up feeling lethargic due to improper sleep. How I wish I can put my condition into words. I almost believed that I really need psychiatric help. I was almost certain that I need to inform my dad...that I needed help and thus, be put in the mental hospital. I was devastated. I nearly lose hope on God. I keep on asking myself, and of course, God...why am I being put to test on such condition? I lost the person that loves me whole-heartedly, because of my own mistake. And now, I almost lost everything that I have. Why is this happening to me? And several nights later, I went to bed with tears rolling down my cheeks, without fail.

I went back for the Christmas break, and daddy asked me to accompany him to the Word of God seminar. I was reluctant. I was positive that I'll never gain anything from this. Somehow, I started to feel that everything's starting to change. Starting from *cough2* he who started dropping messages in the inbox of my Facebook to exchanging numbers, to going out as friends and now, well...you know where this goes *cough2* and my problems slowly being alleviated...I really thank God for the blessings I am starting to receive. God never abandons His people, I believe that. Praise the Lord. :)

I thanked God for giving me my munchkin :) so that I am able to feel again how beautiful the feeling is when you are loved, and for giving me another chance to put things into place when they don't seem right to you. I've learned many new things despite of the ugly consequences I have faced. I don't think I'll ever value my life like this, had I never encounter such situations. Elohim, Yahweh.

Hello peeps.

Have you ever once, thinking that life's interesting? There are ups and downs, there are vibrant colours and even dull colours everywhere.

I had a deep thought about things that happened in my life. My success, my failures, the relationships, the breakups, things that happen along the way... I never regret it. Really. Many things have taught me to be more independent, if not to be stronger and tougher, in whatever I'm doing. It's a blessing in disguise, really.

I am just an ordinary human being. I do get frustrated when things do not get in my way. But as I go on further, I learn to accept that I cannot force things to happen according to how I want it to be. Oh, life goes on.

Till then, have a good day. :)

p.s: few days more. patience, dear heart :)
p.s.s: i'm letting u go. thanks for being there, in my life, even though it's only for a short while.

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Seandainya kau ada disini denganku
Mungkin ku tak sendiri
Bayanganmu yang selalu menemaniku
Hiasi malam sepiku
Kuingin bersama dirimu
Ku tak akan pernah berpaling darimu
Walau kini kaujauh darimu
'Kan slalu kunanti
Karena ku sayang kamu

Hati ini selalu memanggil namamu, dengarlah melatiku
Ku berjanji hanyalah untukmu cintaku
Takkan pernah ada yang lain
Adakah rindu dihatimu, seperti rindu yang kurasa
sanggupkah terus terlena, tanpamu di sisiku
Ku 'kan slalu menantimu...

p.s: reminds me of my PLKN babes :'( miss u girls dearly. 8 more weeks to be reunited again :')

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hey you.

Don't worry about it.
It's not like I'm mad or anything.
I just don't feel like talking to you or anything.

The next time you talk to me, please...just make sure not to ACCIDENTALLY channel your non-related frustration towards me.

p.s: best betul bila hilang mood time tengah2 'bendera jepun'. demmm.

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Hello peeps.

Once again, I'm going to be super random here. You can leave if you want, but I'm going to proceed on with my daily rants here. Lolzee.

We just finished our Islamic and Asian Civilisation lecture. Partly. Serious guys, it's not that I want to condemn the subject or anything...but...what's the point of studying this module if this is nothing related to your major course? Think about it, guys. I'm a BEd TESL graduate, but...ahh, whatever. You know what's running in my mind, don't you? I think I'll just keep it to myself from this point onwards. I'm pretty sure you don't want to listen t the beauty of my foul language. Haha!

Anyways, I noticed everyone (almost!) is struck with the Oppa Gangnam Style! fever. I don't deny that it's a catchy song, but listening to PSY doesn't make me a K-Pop fan. It has its own unique-ness that I myself can't describe. Lolzee.

Ohh yea, sorry peeps! I haven't been on the bloggerspace for quite some time...again, because of 1) the busy-ness *don't ask. we are busy procrastinating + enjoying the free time we have* and 2) the *coughcough*superefficientwireless*coughcough* u know what I mean. After all, this is Malaysia. A place like no other. :D "Selamat Datang. *showing a big smile while ushering people into the fantasy world where you can dream of white sandy beaches, lush green rainforest and the list goes on...bloody yada..yada...*

Okay, back to work. Till then, wishing you all a blessed Eid-ul Fitr and Oppa Gangnam Style!

p/s: i'm getting a driving licence soon. yeayy.

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla peeps.

Today is Wednesday. Marks the third day in the third week. And I think I'm starting to accept the fact that I'm back in the motherland for good. It's not that the reality hasn't hit me all these while, but I just choose to ignore the fact that I've come back home. Ohh well.

Now that I'm back in the college, everything seems a bit...fuzzy. Or weird. Of course, it's like those days where we were still in the foundation years, but that's just the outer appearance. The college has its own wifi now, with LOADS and LOADS and HELL LOADS of INTERNET RESTRICTIONS!!!! What I found to be the most ridiculous thing is that, the college blocked the other blogging applicaton but not Blogger! (Thank God they didn't block this, at least I have a place where I can rant for nothing LOL!) I was like, WHAT THE HELL?? They're just blogs, it's not even the God-forsaken Facebook or anything! Anyways, I won't worry about that, but seriously guys, you can't google the word PHONOLOGY because of the word PHONO. Ohh yes, sounds very...PERVERT. And pedophile. Why don't you guys go and write your own dictionary? The goddamn word doesn't even have any relations to 'it'. AT ALL. Darn (-.-)"

I have expected the least that these people would change their mentality, knowing that we have studied at the Queen's land for three years. And guess what, they never change. I won't hide my disappointment, to be honest. No wonder many Malaysians choose not to return at all. Serves those kiss-ass people right. In their goddamn face.


...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla peeps.

It's been a while since the last time I put up something on my blog. Let's see...*thinking...thinking...thinking*...and yeap, so far I haven't got any interesting thing that happens to me or anything sizzling hot that I heard I wish I can share with you guys. Really sorry. But yeah, let me think of something...erm, yeap. My life in Kota Kinabalu.

Well, as everyone knows, I've moved back to Kota Kinabalu. For a year, for now, at least. *can't really hide the fact that I still miss Plymouth *sobs!* but whatever* Ohh, did I mention to you guys that I'm not staying in anymore? I'm currently staying off-campus, and let me introduce my new place :) I'm staying at CYBERCITY APARTMENT now...TADAA!!


This is the place. Not my apartment, to be exact, but this is to give you a rough picture of the place where I'm currently staying. Not bad, to be honest. Wake up in the morning with the view of paddy fields and Mount Kinabalu clearly from your bedroom window, what more can you ask? Before I forget, I'm staying with a few other friends as well and three us girls took the master bedroom, which, I have mentioned, displays the view from the window. It's AWESOME!!!



Basically they have almost everything here; the security, labelled car porches, swimming pool, gym, courts, bla bla bla...you name it. I'm not really a fan of something that if you want to use it, you'll have to pay. So, I never use the gym *although I had the thoughts once!* and I don't have company to play basketball, so I never use the courts. Whatever my reasons are, don't be influenced by me. You're more than welcome to use the facilities here. LOL. Macam housing agent laa pulak. ahahah~

I'll be busy occupying myself from now onwards. Preparing myself to be a teacher, to be exact. *sila muntah* I'm not ready to be a teacher yet, but if I'm not preparing myself now, when will I ever be ready? Life's tough, but you know that you have to move on. Till then peeps, happy reading!


...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

 Hello peeps.

I'm back again :) Now, I'm settling much in KK, back from the good 'ol England (hoping that I wont miss UK too much but only God knows how I really feel at the moment :'( ) Too many stories to be shared here, but I'll try to break them bits by bits, hoping that u guys wont feel bored and sleepy (zzZZzz...) reading this post. Or else, ignore me. Lol.

I was a bit surprised knowing that arranged marriage still exists in the current world. Lol. Ahh well, can't really be bothered. But, the thing is, I can easily ignore this fact if I'm not involved in this matter. Why do I say so? Because I am one of them! Can't believe that this thing happens to me. Dear me. Reading Vina's post on this matter makes me think deep. Why me?? *heavy sigh* Bloody bla bla bla. Ignore me.

Ignore that stuff. Ohh yeah, I welcome me self back to the hot and humid Malaysia, where mosquitoes hunt humans for blood, ur skin darkens as a result of standing too long under the sun, and your favourite pastimes are hanging out at spots where mouth-watering delicacies are available and you eat like no one's watching u. *clap3!!* Yea right. And I'm back to the infamous Gaya, where I dont get my old C44 back, the prices for the food in the cafe is blood-choking, and the facilities...ohh God, I dont have to describe it. You can just imagine yourself. If you can't, dont imagine. You'll lose your apetite. Trust me. Thank God I don't stay in the hostel anymore - I'm renting somewhere outside - and I'm able to cook my own food. Hahah.

Hmm. What else should I say here? I have something on my mind. Can't really put it into words, and this sums up muchly everything I feel at the moment.

Why


I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of giving it a try.
I'm tired of everything. When I say everything, I mean...EVERYTHING.

Why waste time waiting for something that's impossible?
Why hope when something is never to be seen from the start?
Why do you let yourself be immersed in the illusion that is supposed to be never exist, even now?

That's it.
I've had enough.
It's time for me to move on.

Thanks for leading me on when you're not there to catch me when I fall.
I just hope you've enjoyed the show.

That's it folks. Till next time, blessed Ramadhan al-Mubarak to all the Muslims out there :)

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla peeps.

I'm back :) ... *twiddling fingers* ...

Honestly, I can't even remember when was the last time I blogged about something. Time passes and tomorrow I'll be heading home. To the motherlandddd!~ ...*awkward silence*...

I can't be really sure about my feelings at the moment. I'm not even sad, I'm not even excited. As if...I'm not even back for good. Not yet. Of course, u bugger. I'm still here for another friggin' 23 hours and 58 minutes! *scrape2* ...ignore my monologue pls, thank you.

Sometimes, I'm not so sure myself what is really happening to me. Don't get me wrong. I welcome changes in my life for the sake of greater good *chehh!* and for all the good reasons, but there are times I just wonder if I really make the right decision. I don't even know if I really need to make those changes, and thus, wasting mre time when actually there are many things that can be done at the same time. Many a times we will encounter a divergent where we have to make decisions, hoping that it will bring out the best in you, but of course, life is never fair. You made the wrong choice and you failed. You regret the decision made, hoping that you can turn back the time, wishing that you would choose the path you hadn't wish earlier. As much as we hope we could turn back the time, we do realise that time flies without looking back into the past. Even if second chances exist, it's not going to be the same...simply because everything's changed.

I've been regretting so many things in my life as I grew up. Many experience gained and yet I still failed to learn from the past. The ignorance and the hardheaded character has led me to who I am now. Had I not been too ignorant or too stubborn, I would have been a different person today. I didn't blame the hardheaded character that I possess. It's in the blood; I do realise that. Ahh well, how will I ever learn?

Till then, pray may God ease our journey back to Malaysia.

...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla peeps.

I know, you don't have to tell me. I know, I know. I should be doing my activity plan (note that THE DEADLINE IS TOMORROW: I'M SO DEAD!) and yeah, I'm here crapping on my beloved bloggerspace blahhh!!! A form of procrastination you should've notice since my early days as a student lol :p

Anyways, yeah. I didn't realise that I've come to the end of my life as a 3rd year undergraduate student in Marjon, and 5th year as a teacher trainee. One more year to go and I'm a qualified English teacher! How time flies. I remembered those days when we gathered together at KL International Airport on September 26th 2009, when we first flew together. Only God knows what kind of faces we pull when we have to meet our counterparts and fly together with them. Embarking our journey together in the UK, being mixed and being put in two different groups, Raleigh and Drake.

3 years have passed. It has been 3 years we sat together in Room 168, listening to only God knows what kind of lectures we have, what theories we have learned and the hardships we went through just to jump out of the bed, having to attend 9am lectures almost every days during the week. Now, we're going to be separated again. Back to square one, where we were first known as the Gaya and the KB groups. Why? We went through the bittersweet moments together for 3 freaking years, and now we're going to be separated again when our journey is nearly towards the finishing line...? I'm going to miss you, Raleigh, as much as the Drakes will miss each other, and each and everyone of us, despite the different institution and the different groups we were place; because we are united as one big family.

I'm going to miss you guys, soon. :'(


...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...

Olla, peeps. I am back. After 7 friggin' days of no internet (damn u network server!) and endless attempts of winning Mahjong Titans and few attempts of trying to win the double suit Spider Solitaire, I'm back in the virtual world. So, smile :) Yea, sure.

As usual, I'll be crapping first and if this bores you, you may stop reading and leave this page. If you feel interested enough to read through the post, you are more than welcome to do so. Well, I'm doing fine, so far, I think. Basically, I'm being haunted by the assignments at the moment and there are tonnes of readings I need to do, but ahh well, the student's nature tells me to procrastinate more than moving my bloody arse to be in front of the Microsoft Word 2010 as always to get on with the bloody work. Pardon my language, people. It's just me with my daily rants procrastinations.

Farewells and more farewells soon. 9 days from now, that'll be exactly a month before I head home to the beloved motherland. For good. For real. Yes people, you read me right. I'm going back soon. I've been here in this foreign soil long enough to miss my family, to miss my childhood friends, the greatest arch nemeses I ever have a.k.a the cousins, the alumni, and many more. I'll miss everything I have here - the parishioners of Our Lady of Mt.Carmel, Efford, Plymouth Unis CathSoc, Plymouth Uni students - u guys rock! we need to jam again soon hell yeah :) - and of course, the Marjonians. *sob..sob...sob* enough with that. Too many dramas. Lol.

Breathing the air of motherland is what I'm looking forward to, but don't get me wrong. It's just... I don't expect it to be this quick. There are more things that I wanted to do, and yet there are so little time left. I'm not being soapy here, it's just that I couldn't bear the thoughts that I'll be leaving England so soon. I'm not ready yet. But, when will I be ever ready? How can people believe the portraying facade when eventually it's torn inside? Things that once seemed to be definite once, I managed to put that away, although the decision made hurts both sides. But, again, until when?

Enough craps, enough lies. I just need more time. And space. Until I'm ready to be exposed to the world. Again. But when?



...genuinely comes from my heart and my brain, not from anywhere else unless stated...